saddest day of my life :(

[chief tatanka]

i got the call i've have not been looking forward to .i have togo pick up my mothers remains and i'm already starting to loose it.i'm gonna go off the deep end with no way out.i've got no friends or family in this town.i havent heard a single word from my so called cousins..and now i have this todo.i asked my doc for some tranquilizers to help me out.he wont he just refilled my pain killers.would'nt even write me for some marinol..i am so dam depressed no funds no meds nothing but painkillers that are starting to give me bad stomach aches from taking them on a empty stomach, no appetite, .
i feel like a caged animal ready to run the moment some one opens the cage.
i searched my pipes,bongs,not even a smige of resin to dull my feelings.
i wish i could just vanish into nothing..its driving me crazy,my depression is so bad i totally blanked out on my little starts that they died on me to...
i just hope i dont loose it right in the funeral home.time to go and bring her home...........................................:( tat

[Buffalo Bill]

tat, I am so very sorry for you, bro! I do not really know what to write and that does not happen very often to me! May the Peace of the Lord be with you and yours always.......
Take care and be well.......
My heart is now gently weeping for you and your family and you are always in my prayers.....

[Lucy]

sending you strength to support you during these difficult days...know that your ty family is here for you....:)

[diamond]

sending streanght chief.pullin for ya to get thru ok.

[onus]

Chief:

When my brother in law died of HIV I had the duty of picking up his ashes in Seattle and flying them back to Central Texas where the rest of his family lives. I spent six hours with that box full of ashes between my feet on the floor--I did not want to take the slightest chance with losing them, having them slide around the plane, or anything else.

I loved my brother in law. I talked to him the day hospice ushered him out of this world to tell him how much I loved him. But I have to admit that the job of transporting his remains did weird me out.

What I found very comforting was the fact that I was performing a service for him and his family, as I saw it. You would not want to trust UPS with this package, to say the least. I was in a unique position to render this service, and I came to realize that the trust the family placed in me made it a duty I was very willing to honor.

You are providing a service to your mother that cannot be payed back. It is a service only for the most trustworthy. It is horribly sad to lose a loved one. But by taking care of her beyond her death you are performing an invaluable service of love to her memory.

I wish you the best in your time of grief. It can seem overwhelming. But, I believe, our duty to those who came before us is to go on and to do so in a way that honors their spirit. Those are my beliefs. Perhaps they are comforting--that's the spirit in which I offer them.

onus

[S_a_H]

Sorry to hear of your loss. In some ways thats no so bad. I had inlaws from Satan spawn himself. So your mom must not have had any money or they all would be right over.

SaH

[pflover]

Tat, it's ok if you loose it in the funeral home. I think they are probably use to it. I hope you find your way through the dark.

Hugz

Ally

[Tonya]

I dont know what to say either.... I wish I was in a position to help you. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. If you need to talk pm me I will give you my number or u give me yours .... Sending much love your way..

[nancerella]

Wishing you the strength to do what you need to.
Hugs
Nan

[slater]

would you like someone to ride with you? i am in centeral ny so if you are nearby i could ride along with you. or maybe someone else in yer area may be willing to ride w/you....

[Ayahuasca]

I wish betters days for you my friend, keep strong
peace, love and light

[coco_artist]

may I extend my deepest sympathy, what you are doing is a good thing.
May she RIP

[50stang]

damn bro:( i dont post on here much but i have to tell you how very sorry i am for you! if i lived where you are, i would come over and burn one with ya:(

[gen131]

you will be all right, chief. im praying for you. god bless you.
gen

[speakrsrfun]

Chief,

I'm the strong one, I keep it together so the rest of my family can be the wrecks they should be. This is self desrtuctive and unhealthy but a trait I picked up from the man who passed away and ultimately started my strength, my Grandfather.

To be honest I'm tired of being sick, I'm tired of being unhappy, and tired of looking at the world with such dispair, its time for me to be weak for a while and heal myself and come back even stronger than before, something you breaking down in the funeral home will accomplish, the start of a wound that never truely heals but unless you heal enough to cope, you'll never be strong again.

I loved every one of my dead friends and family members, I mourned them all differently as they all meant different things to me as individuals. But I loved each and every one of them, and thats what makes it so hard to stay strong yet be weak enough to say goodbye. I'll pray for you brother, but the strength you need right now won't come from me, but from within a man who knows how much he loved this soul, and how proud he is to have called her his mother, this my friend is where your strength comes from, peace and keep well.

[HopaLong]

Sorry to hear of your lose Chief.
Wishing you strength friend.

Peace Hoppy

[oshun55555]

Chief,

I'm the strong one, I keep it together so the rest of my family can be the wrecks they should be. This is self desrtuctive and unhealthy but a trait I picked up from the man who passed away and ultimately started my strength, my Grandfather.

To be honest I'm tired of being sick, I'm tired of being unhappy, and tired of looking at the world with such dispair, its time for me to be weak for a while and heal myself and come back even stronger than before, something you breaking down in the funeral home will accomplish, the start of a wound that never truely heals but unless you heal enough to cope, you'll never be strong again.

I loved every one of my dead friends and family members, I mourned them all differently as they all meant different things to me as individuals. But I loved each and every one of them, and thats what makes it so hard to stay strong yet be weak enough to say goodbye. I'll pray for you brother, but the strength you need right now won't come from me, but from within a man who knows how much he loved this soul, and how proud he is to have called her his mother, this my friend is where your strength comes from, peace and keep well.

great advice, it made my cheeks wet

[Tonya]

I hope our brother is ok.... has anyone heard from him????? My heart breaks for you Chief.. sending a hug your way...

[Free 2 b me]

((((((((Chief Tat)))))))))))) I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss and I can so relate as I lost my mom not too long ago. Well I guess it's been a year now, but it seems as if it just happened yesterday. I was priveledged to receive tickets home for the holidays and my sister and I spent most of our time stilll crying, laughing, and reminiscing. My other sister is still in denial I think, which is so unhealthy. You should never be ashamed of your emotions and as I've found out, mom was the glue that truly held our family together. I'm sitting her crying like a baby for you, so if you don't lose it, I gotcha covered bro. My most sincere condolences and my thoughts and prayers are with you! Take care and be well....or as well as possible. My idea is to let the tears flow, they are healing in themselves. Again, my sincere condolences to you and your family.

Peace and One Love,
Free

[Unicorn]

Hugs Tat...remember the good times...and remember Mom is always with you...TY and your friends will help you through this...hang in there..Hugs Uni ;)