buddyh
05-19-2005, 03:24 PM
Hi,
I'm here so as not to leave anyone with questions.
As some of you know, my life right now isn't very good and I've been very depressed. It's very hard for me to focus, damn it's very hard for me to make myself something to eat. For those of you who remember my bout with sleeplessness, that's over. I sleep all of the time now. I'm trying to grab myself by the scruff of the neck and pull myself out of it, but it's hard, real hard.
Most of my time is spent on the verge of tears. It's not that I'm afraid of crying, it's just that I'm also broke and don't have enough TP to both to my duty and blow my nose ( :D ).
Anyway, I've made a decision to clear out my inner house. I've been all over the map lately, wasting time and energy in trying to keep myself on the move. When I stop, I'm only confronted by things that make me sad. I only have two goals right now. To work enough to support my girls and to spend as much time with them as I can (well, I guess three goals, if you include trying to break my depression.).
I love TY. Those of you that have been here for a while, know that. I've given as freely of myself here as I could. I know that not everything I've done or said has been liked or accepted by all, but for the most part I tried to be honest and true.
I woke up from a nap this afternoon. In the last part of my dream, hashimoto (JC) was there with me. I knew it must be important because he didn't have Gege with him, and he knows how much I love that dog. I don't remember any words, if any, that were spoken, but I knew that I had to come here and at least explain.
No one has driven me from TY. I just need to give all of my energy right now to my recovery and to figuring out my future. I won't say that a few situations I've found myself in here at TY over the last 2 weeks or so haven't helped me to come to this decision, but that's more about me then it is about anyone else. I'll leave it at that.
I know that I'll be back here, after nine months of being online here for hours a day, TY is a hard habit to break. I just need to take a long break and get my shit together. I look at myself and my current situation and I am not happy with what I see. With what I feel.
I'm very fond of everyone here, granted, some more then others, but I bear no grudge towards anyone.
So for know, wish me well and if you think of me, try and make them fond thoughts as I have enough negative energy swirling around me to fill The Meadowlands.
And like I said, I'll be back and Honestly, if you see me lurking around from time to time, make no thoughts or accusations of 'Theactrics' (SP?) or 'Historionics' (Sp? Again) it's most likely that I do get lonely and most of my friends are here.
So for now, I'm jumping on the camel and wandering the Wadi's of my mind in search of the Oasis that I know is there somewhere.
Be Well.
Love,
Buddy
Oh, if anyone needs me for something:
primated@gmail.com
I'm here so as not to leave anyone with questions.
As some of you know, my life right now isn't very good and I've been very depressed. It's very hard for me to focus, damn it's very hard for me to make myself something to eat. For those of you who remember my bout with sleeplessness, that's over. I sleep all of the time now. I'm trying to grab myself by the scruff of the neck and pull myself out of it, but it's hard, real hard.
Most of my time is spent on the verge of tears. It's not that I'm afraid of crying, it's just that I'm also broke and don't have enough TP to both to my duty and blow my nose ( :D ).
Anyway, I've made a decision to clear out my inner house. I've been all over the map lately, wasting time and energy in trying to keep myself on the move. When I stop, I'm only confronted by things that make me sad. I only have two goals right now. To work enough to support my girls and to spend as much time with them as I can (well, I guess three goals, if you include trying to break my depression.).
I love TY. Those of you that have been here for a while, know that. I've given as freely of myself here as I could. I know that not everything I've done or said has been liked or accepted by all, but for the most part I tried to be honest and true.
I woke up from a nap this afternoon. In the last part of my dream, hashimoto (JC) was there with me. I knew it must be important because he didn't have Gege with him, and he knows how much I love that dog. I don't remember any words, if any, that were spoken, but I knew that I had to come here and at least explain.
No one has driven me from TY. I just need to give all of my energy right now to my recovery and to figuring out my future. I won't say that a few situations I've found myself in here at TY over the last 2 weeks or so haven't helped me to come to this decision, but that's more about me then it is about anyone else. I'll leave it at that.
I know that I'll be back here, after nine months of being online here for hours a day, TY is a hard habit to break. I just need to take a long break and get my shit together. I look at myself and my current situation and I am not happy with what I see. With what I feel.
I'm very fond of everyone here, granted, some more then others, but I bear no grudge towards anyone.
So for know, wish me well and if you think of me, try and make them fond thoughts as I have enough negative energy swirling around me to fill The Meadowlands.
And like I said, I'll be back and Honestly, if you see me lurking around from time to time, make no thoughts or accusations of 'Theactrics' (SP?) or 'Historionics' (Sp? Again) it's most likely that I do get lonely and most of my friends are here.
So for now, I'm jumping on the camel and wandering the Wadi's of my mind in search of the Oasis that I know is there somewhere.
Be Well.
Love,
Buddy
Oh, if anyone needs me for something:
primated@gmail.com