Does anyone here suffer from P.T.S.D? [Archive] - TreatingYourself.COM Online Community

Bulls&Bowls

11-12-2005, 10:07 PM

Coco-Although a veteran, I have never experienced combat under war. I do suffer from PTSD though as a result of mass trauma growing up. The Army just tied up all the loose ends and sent me off even more screwed up. As for manifestation/symptoms, I learn more and more as each day goes by. Some are nice and some are long and drawn out. Insomnia is a huge effect from PTSD. I believe with me, it comes as a result of the night terrors (which never occured until my military service). There are times that I physically knot up and hurt if I am under profound amounts of stress. Anger and pure frustration over the smallest of issues. There tends to be what some would deem lashing out with violence if people keep pushing stress onto me. All in all, Coco, PTSD will manifest itself in a variety of ways in affect of the traumas you have endured. For me, the night terrors and insomnia are the worst because I deal with them no matter what. I choose when to deal and associate with individuals thus somewhat controlling how much stress I allow to be under. Please (PLEASE!) stay away from psyche medications. Pharmeceuticles CANNOT treat most mental illnesses, disorders, and diseases.

God bless you, Coco, in your ailments.

Lucy

11-12-2005, 11:22 PM

I have bouts of insomnia, but I think some of the time that is pain related...some times I have a difficult time turning my brain off and as I have aged I find I have obsessive thoughts....where I continue to go over and over something...ruminate... 90% of the dreams I remember, I would classify as bad dreams with perhaps 10% of those being nightmares....generally, I prefer not to remember dreams.

As far as paranoia...I could be! I thought I was just hpyer vigilant and super sensitive...I guess it depends on one's perspective....:)...lol

Do I do crazy things to cope with it? I will have to give it some thought to that question....I do know that when my PTSD is in high gear, I have compulsive behaviours such as checking burners, doors etc..but nothing that has caused me great concern. I have learned to that most of this comes from spacing out when I check and then I can't remember the result so I need to do it again....I find that if I can stay present then the compulsive behaviours lessen.

When my son was a kid I did not let him play with toy guns or toys that made a lot of noises as it would make me very jumpy...continually being startled is very hard on the system.

I had a good shrink while I was at uni....she convinced me that little good could come in figuring out if these quirks to my personality are the result of the PTSD and the orignating trauma....perhaps these quirks would have been there anyway...I have just tried to accept and adapt to them....I figure, people are all kind crazy....nothing wrong with it as long as you are not hurting yourself or others.

Yes, I find that stress makes it worse with me too. How does it manifest itself with you Lucy? Do you have sleep disorders? Do you ever get paranoid? Do you do crazy things to cope with it?
My new doctor assures me that it is expected that my PTSD would be exasberated by my prognosis. Doesn't make it easier though. :(

coco_artist

11-13-2005, 06:00 AM

Sometimes pharmacy drugs are the only thing that can help a condition. I cannot ever go off all my drugs. I could die from not taking some pills, like my thyroid pills. I also take Prozac and have for almost twenty years now. Each time I tried to go off of it, the same thing would happen that always had happened. I wake up with heart pounding, sweating, abruptly...sometimes the least movement can cause it (I couldn't sleep with anyone in my bed until I was given Prozac in my thirties. I was assaulted at that time and it made my PTSD even worse. I am now in my fifties) I gave up trying to go off of it a long time ago because the PTSD just gets so much worse I cannot function properly.
I did read in this forum about someone who kinda gets the same thing I do and
when I get it bad I can hear breathing behind me and feel the hands going around my neck. This last time I just confronted 'it' and said 'Go for it. Do it. I will kill you.' and it stopped! I haven't had that since! I was reading someone else took that approach and it worked for them too. I wouldn't dare go off my Prozac though. Life would be a living hell. Before Prozac I was terrified all the time and ready to fight, constantly on alert.

oddjobs

11-13-2005, 11:17 AM

I have been treated for ptsd for some years since the deaths of my son and his wife in a auto accident in 93 they were just 2 of 6 that died while riding in the back of a pick-up following a fire truck to a prank fire call. Insomnia plagues me with reacuring dreams of my wifes screams when we got the call . We were in Sturgis S.D. at the Moter cycle meet our first vacation ever after 25 yrs and raising 4 kids. Went crazy, afterwards, very self destructive behaviour attemted suiside and drug addicition ,alcohol abuse. I sometimes locked myself up or would find a place to actually hide [I thought]from those voices. I have been clean other than mmj for 5 years i think cant remember dates. Drs have had me on every kind of anti psycotics and anti depressants known I think but I quit them too.Became more and more confused . I freek out everytime I see people riding in the back of truck. I have a really hard time going anywhere . I do take some herbs that I grow such as saint johns wort and more I dont know how to spell. .Went through 2 -48 wk treatment of pegasia and ribo but now just milk thistle mega doses. MMj helps the after effects of that 2 yearsof hell. TY and the people have brought me to the point that I can Talk about things in a limited way[ never been very social always thought people would see me as a dumb a--.] All anyone can do is day to day survival.

coco_artist

11-13-2005, 11:36 AM

I certainly can certainly have empathy with your experience oddjobs...I attended the scene of the accident when my son was in his and I pushed past the cop and firemen (apparently, assaulted the cop, I was told later..he tried to stop me) and crawled into the car looking for my son that was squished and upside down where they were cutting someone out. I had to crouch to get into it. The fireman that was doing the cutting wasn't impressed I am sure, but I don't remember details. When I saw he wasn't in there I was worried he was in a ditch somewhere. His ambulance had already raced to the hospital. I went there next. He was unrecognizable. Half of his forehead was ripped off and blood was in his eyes and you could hardly make out who it could be.
As soon as the accident happened I recieved a phonecall from his girlfriend. One of the guys in the car that had minor injuries got to a house and called for help and called her and she called me. I raced to the scene to see a crowd of people, ambulances and police and firemen. I still don't remember assaulting the cop. When I saw all the lights (it was dark out) it was like a movie scene to me and i had a sense of unreality.
I don't remember much of it except the look on the girl's face as they were cutting her out of the car. It was a look of sheer terror. Apparently, her parents were upset that I didn't stay and console her but I was so worried about my son and sure he was dead that I wasn't thinking of anything else. I still feel guilty about it.
My son managed to come off life support and was paralyzed and made his way back, only to find out he was full of Cancer.
You know, after all of this time, I never even thought that was something that could impact my PTSD too. Now it makes sense.
I have been through much in my life. I have had someone try to murder me(twice). I have been raped, assaulted and shot at as well. I had an axe thrown at me once too. I cannot count the times I have been beat up. In all of this, I never took into consideration my son's accident as having an impact on my PTSD, but it makes sense that is something that would have made it worse too.

Lucy

11-13-2005, 12:29 PM

I think once one's system has been sensitized through extraordinary type traumas you become very easily triggered by any other traumas.

One time I was on the C-train leaving university...there was only one other person in the car I was in....as we were approaching the next station the driver put on his horn and brakes. I knew something terrible was about to happen. A deaf woman who had followed the crowd of j-walkers was hit by the train and killed. As one can imagine all energies were at the front of the train with the woman, diriver and witnessnes. Our compartment was locked and we had no way off or really no way of knowing what was happening....I ended up going into a major panic attack, and when I was finally allowed out of the compartment I had no idea where or what to do...they ended up taking me to the hospital, but that is another storey...even still when I am on a lrt-train....my body will tense up when a driver touches the breaks.

coco_artist

11-13-2005, 12:56 PM

Lucy

Do you ever just freeze up? Physically and mentally? Just go blank? Kinda like disassociation of some kind when you are under somekind of familiar stress?

Do you ever put yourself into dangerous situations because you can't tell what you should be frightened of and what you shouldn't? It's like the mind has forgotten to be able to discriminate, therefore everything is threatening?

Do you have trouble leaving your house or apartment for fear something bad will happen to you?

Are you afraid to show your fear or talk about it? ( because someone might take advantage of your fear? or use it against you? or attack because you seem afraid?)

I know this is a lot of questions, but I have so many.

hollowpoint

11-13-2005, 01:59 PM

pharmaceuticals do work coco and I agree with you. there are many mental illness situations that are helped with drugs, ie bi-polar and depression for sure. the thing is, the drugs are treating the symptoms of the ptsd, and are not designed to cure it. the only cure for ptsd is to work through the issues that caused it, with professional and/or peer support. then one can come off the drugs as the symptoms subside.
Triggers are the key to PTSD. if you record what was going on prior to experiencing a panic attack, insomnia, or any of the other ways it manifests itself, you will soon see patterns develop and then you can identify which of the 5 senses were responsible for the trigger. everything from sight, smell, touch, feel and hear can bring about a reaction, from your memory of the trauma. Its a huge learning process, it is amazing to see how the mind protects the fragile psychy of the person, from overload of the senses, in a tragedy. then we continue to see glimpses of it over time and that is what we must come to terms with. when we see something happen that goes against what the human was expected to experience or endure, like the premature death of a child, since we are supposed to die before our children, the mind has trouble slotting it in a "right and logical place". until it is slotted, we will struggle with the event mentally, in varying degrees. these degrees of acceptance will slowly gain ground as we work through life and learn more about ourselves and how we adapt to change.
there are many causes to PTSD and certainly no one program or counselling tool will handle everything, but as long as we're willing to work at getting better, we will, eventually. we are survivors!

Lucy

11-13-2005, 02:41 PM

I believe that recovering from PTSD depends on various factors....such as the length and degree of orignating trauma...how soon does intervention occur post trauma, how well the trauma is worked through....but even after that I think there can be residual symptoms....such as the startle reflex and hyper vigilence...I really believe that to large degree it can change nervous system functioning....that the fight or flight part of the brain is not function well....to me that would explain a difficult time descerning what is and is not a threat.

pflover

11-13-2005, 03:30 PM

lisa was in the military but her PTSD comes from her first marage. for her it menifests most in flashbacks during fights and arguements. let me tell you, the combo of a manic rage and a ptsd flashback is NOT a fun thing to observe or try to "treat" on the spot, thank the gods for pot.

i experienced some acute temporary ptsd stuff after i had my wisdom teeth pulled out. for the first few nights as i was falling asleep i could hear the sounds of my jaw bone breaking and feel the tortion on my jaw. oh my gods that sucked and i'm sure glad it passed.

reddiet

11-13-2005, 05:34 PM

Regarding the drugs used to treat PTSD. I was on Paxil, Zoloft and a couple more that right now i can't remember for 4 years. These drugs definitely have a withdrawel effect to them if suddenly stopped. I found out by saying to my doctor, 1 visit, that i didn't think that the medicine was helping me. He assured me that they were and if i didn't believe him I should try to not take them for a day or 2. Well i did that and let me tell you the condition of my mind was totally out of whack. In the past I have had to deal with addictions to alcohol, cocaine, heroin. and various pills like valium and xanax. I probably know more about having to go through withdrawel from substances than most people. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going through was withdrawel from the drugs he prescribed for me. I had panic attacks that were unbelieable and even had strong thoughts of suicide. Ever since that episode i slowly, and i mean slowly reduced my medicines until I was completely drug free.
Now I am not saying that these types of medicines don't help some people. I am sure that they have probably saved some lives. What i'm saying is that you should never, never just stop taking ANY medicine without slowly reducing the amount over a period of time. And preferably with your doctors knowledge. I did it without telling my doctor, and when I was off them I just never went back to see him again. That bastard knew that I would go through withdrawels and didn't tell me. He thought that I would just believe him that the medicines were helping me and run right back to him to let him know that he was right This guy would have just kept me medicated forever and seeing him every month to just sit and talk about all kinds of bullshit for 1 hour so he could bill my insurance for his $350 fee per hour. I am doing much better since i stopped seeing this guy.
ps I have been clean and sober for more than 10 years. 1992 was my last.

RED

Bulls&Bowls

11-14-2005, 01:16 PM

Our government is making a killing (emphasize KILLING) by treating people with mental disorders with pharmeceuticals. Not only is it a multi million dollar business with Corporate America (Illuminati) at the helm, but it is nothing more than opiate and barbituates in different dosages. Yes, some people have been able to live only because of pharmeceuticles aimed at mental illness and pain (I included for pain meds) but the reality is that it is designed to keep you under monitored observation with documentation of your whole life. Falls under the One World Order and the Illuminati (Bush included) for when this country (and allies) is ruled by a Police State. Convicted pot offenders are being treated for drug abuse by prescribing pschye meds. Ever noticed how they never EVER want you off them...if you become too unstable (and I can get pretty western) they will just toss you onto something else. Mental illness is NOT a medically researched subject. Like cannabis it is a big NO NO unless it comes from gov't okay. Which we all know is twisted. As a US soldier I had access to the best medical professionals in the world...our super power high ranking pencil pushers...and when I went in for evaluation, they were the ones who didnt know WTF was going on. They didnt know how to assess me or diagnose my thought behavior. Oh well, I better stop before I piss someone off.

My wife wanted me on Prozac for the longest time...always had a full prescription sittin there...and I always thought to myself when I was alone, "For so long I never cared about whether I lived or died-now that I am married and have my beautiful children why the hell would I promote blowing my brains out by taking Prozac?". When there is a wire short circuited or fried in your brain...no man made pharmeceutical is gonna mend it together, just make ya think it did.

Spent many yrs addicted to pharmeceuticals and took a long time to stop. Now I use cannabis only. Life IS good...as I think of my family.

coco_artist

11-14-2005, 04:40 PM

I couldn't be without the Prozac YET. Who knows, maybe I will be able to get off it soon. I went to see the cancer shrink today and he agreed that it was bad judgement to walk around the east end of Toronto at 3am, but he understood why; 'Flooding' simply works. When you are afraid of something and you expose yourself deliberately to it in spades, for example; afraid of cats....bring in twenty to pet. Toronto didn't seem quite as frightening in the daylight after stepping over bodies on the sidewalk. (never experienced that before)
It looks as if I will be going into the program that my doctor has suggested for PTSD. In retrospect, it was a crazy thing to do; put myself in danger to feel safe. It is effecting my life too much. Ever since my prognosis was given to me, I have been having problems. He said because of 'Karma' I have been given this opportunity. (I spent a couple decades helping other females that had been abused) Not only are they paying for my train fare and cabs, but now they are going to give me money to get a second residence to improve my quality of life. The shrink told me a story I liked:
It was a sports game. (I forget the game now) They were losing. One man said to an older man, we are losing badly. The older guy said that they were losing 83-16 but that didn't mean they should give up. It only meant they should play harder. :D

coco_artist

11-14-2005, 05:32 PM

Information From the National Institute for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Website:

The thoughts or beliefs that people have to help them understand and make sense of their environment can often overexaggerate threat. Often the individual is not fully aware of these thoughts and beliefs, but they cause the person to perceive more hostility, danger, or threat than others might feel is necessary. For example, a combat veteran may become angry when others around him (wife, children, coworkers) don't "follow the rules." The strength of his belief is actually related to how important it was for him to follow rules during the war in order to prevent deaths. Often, traumatized persons are not aware of the way their beliefs are related to past trauma. For instance, by acting inflexibly toward others because of their need to control their environment, they can provoke others into becoming hostile, which creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Common thoughts people with PTSD have include: "You can't trust anyone," "If I got out of control, it would be horrible/life-threatening/intolerable," "After all I've been through, I deserve to be treated better than this," and "Others are out to get me, or won't protect me, in some way."

Lucy

11-14-2005, 08:34 PM

Lucy

Do you ever just freeze up? Physically and mentally? Just go blank? Kinda like disassociation of some kind when you are under somekind of familiar stress?

I have missing blocks of time....mostly it is missing from my younger days...I don't mean just the normal fading of memories over time....but the time that you never can remember....however, I am finding both healing and the practice of staying present has helped to decrease this over time. I think to some degree everyone has those lapses....for example driving from point A to point B without memory...so certainly to some degree this is not unusual but I think with truama victims especially with trauma over a period of time it is a copying mechinism

Do you ever put yourself into dangerous situations because you can't tell what you should be frightened of and what you shouldn't? It's like the mind has forgotten to be able to discriminate, therefore everything is threatening?

I suppose this is where paranioa is found....for me, because the boundries in childhoood did not exist ... it has been a difficult road learning to judge what was threatening and what was not....often I put myself in very dangerous situation with very evil persons....I know that I have seen it.....I have learned about intuition and I am continually learning how to trust it.....it requires to a degree learning to respect yourself.

Do you have trouble leaving your house or apartment for fear something bad will happen to you?

Funny, I was once diagnosed by a shrink who asked me questions for 5 minutes that I was agoraphopic....he put me on meds that made me ill and sent me on my way....because we had a disagreement regarding the sideffects to the drugs I rejected his diagnoses and never went back.....I am realizing more and more that my mode of operedi has been withdrawl.....from relationships, life, etc. .... some times I question if I have created, produced the illness in my life to help keep me in my cocoon....to legitimize my withdrawl....as a often afraid of a lot.

Are you afraid to show your fear or talk about it? ( because someone might take advantage of your fear? or use it against you? or attack because you seem afraid?)I know this is a lot of questions, but I have so many.

Not any more.....through the fear is my release.

I forgot to mention a method that my husband experienced regarding treatment of PTSD. Two winters ago hubby was in his first major accident with his tractor trailer.....he hit ice up North and it jackknifed....he thought the end was in sight. Shortly after he went to see my therapist who did Rapid Eye Desensitization with him and this helped to alleviate a lot of the stress and nightmares that followed...

Bulls&Bowls

11-14-2005, 09:59 PM

Coco- But I really cant trust anyone as the only other trusted family I had were fellow soldiers killed in Iraq (I have more trust in my wife and children than I do in any other living being), When I breakdown, things are'nt pretty (although disabled, a fairly sized lad who grew up in the School of Hard Knocks-when violence has been second nature your whole life you tend to find comfort), With the way life has dealt my hand I'd better be in line for something and I believe I should be treated better (not for WHO I am as a person but for WHAT I am-a US Army Veteran) but this will never happen so crap in one hand and ponder in the other.

Despite myself, Coco, I still tend to ponder a lot more (as nothing is sane to the unsane) than anything. Unfortunately my other hand filled up with crap as I pondered and the reality all sets in. Growing up I never contemplated getting into a world of shi*, in pose of trouble, because my life was nothing more than a pile of turds. I now have the things I hold dear and am very protective anymore. My wife will ALWAYS have final say on what goes on but her being able to share my pain, problems, and occassional snap...she has earned that right to whup my ass. Through a lot of personal talking and her honest sincere desire to help me work with my illness, she has made my life very manageable. I still lose it and will cuss at the drive thru window picking up dinner or the mini markets that refuse my military ID. But hey, I aint choked no one in over 2 yrs and that is doing good.

Coco-If you have become dependant on the Prozac please dont ever contemplate stopping. The results of withdrawling from pschye meds is as dangerous as heroin (some worse). I just hate to see another victim of unfounded and unrsearched pharmeceutical experiments. I have found my Prozac...a wife, a boy, a girl, some cannabis, and something to finally call family. The only other closest thing I had to

coco_artist

11-15-2005, 01:07 AM

The sad part is that the effects of the Prozac have long worn off after taking them for twenty years. I have to take them just to be normal now. They really don't DO anything, but I sure do notice when I don't take just one. (I take two)I am a basket case without them..way too jumpy and hyper, can't sleep and startle at the least noise or movement, afraid of strangers, you name it. I am stuck with these stupid little green and white capsules for the duration now. I hate it, but what can ya do? I had no idea the stuff would be impossible to quit.

Bulls&Bowls

11-15-2005, 01:36 AM

Coco-Until Corporate America comes out and is honest about the medications used to treat mental disorder and how they're killing you for money signs, a lot of people will never know the dangers of them. My father in law has been on Xanax for over 8 yrs. with new medical insight that use over 1 yr is detrimental to your pschye. Oh the list goes on and on and I have the proof to show it. We could talk for hours on this subject, Coco. Peace be with you.

And I think one of the hardest things to deal with in living with PTSD is the depression. Guilt and depression are the worst. Take care.

veteranpuffer

11-23-2005, 02:26 PM

I am a veteran and have had PTSD since being in the military and being in the Gulf war. It's hard to deal with. I also have OCD. Most of the time I feel all alone in dealing with this. Most people don't understand , they think because you know what the problem is you can fix it. To them it's that simple.
I have alot of problems with nightmares. they had me on trazadone and prazin to control the nightmares . they only made them worse. When I smoke mj I don't have them. I have been through the gammit of pharm meds and eventually took myself off of them Which only made them worse. The prozac was making my symptoms worse. Prozac is evil. I went off Prozac cold. stopped taking it. I hate dealing with the va hospital here. they're answer to everything is up my meds . I agree with the statement that was made about "if your brain is short circuted or fried no man made pharm is going to make it better." In a sense that is what I told my doctors. also the doctors in therpay they tell you , you can tell them anything. well I noticed that some of the things you tell them they use against you. One med I am on is risperadone which makes my OCD liveable. I don't like the side effects. I take it at night time and when I get up in the morning I have the residual effect of still being sleepy and drugged. And I have hard time getting my day started. and it's hard when you have to do stuff early in the morning.

I do have the problem of lapsed memory. even if some one is talking to me I just go blank and I have to have people repeat themselves. very irratating

coco_artist

11-23-2005, 08:38 PM

The going 'blank' is familiar to me as well. Yes, most people do not understand. To some, any form of a mental illness is threatening and it is a mental illness, make no doubt about it. I have been called 'stupid' and other things because of this problem. I am not stupid, but it does make me appear that way. It is irritating to the 'other' person I think too.

veteranpuffer

11-24-2005, 12:32 PM

one thing too that's hard in dealing with having ptsd is that when you tell some one you have it they treat you like you have scizophernia or really out your groud. and yes people treat me like I'm stupid or talk down to me and that makes my ptsd worse. I ask them aren't you supposed to keep a person like me calm? I tell them too your not helping the situation.

coco_artist

11-25-2005, 03:59 PM

I have never experienced that particular trigger. It is more a response to what I perceive as a threat of rape, torture, or death. My triggers are things like having my neck touched. I didn't tell people for years about that because I was afraid they would just have to try it to see for themselves, and of course there are some that always do try to play that game with my head, even after I tell them not to do it and warn them something might happen. The first time it happened I punched a guy in the face. ( I was very young) Now I just get angry.
If I am extremely stressed it can act up too, for example, my daughter is having tests for Cancer right now. My whole family has been wiped out by Cancer and she is the only one left besides me. (my dad is still here in a nursing home but doesn't even know where he is) Last night I rolled over against a pillow and I felt it in my back. I almost jumped right out of bed. The adrenline rush made me feel sick, it was so strong. I was ready to fight to the death if necessary. It took awhile to settle back down.